nursedarry: (SWParty)
nursedarry ([personal profile] nursedarry) wrote2009-06-17 05:21 am
Entry tags:

Happy Birthday [livejournal.com profile] enchanted_jae and recs!

Title: Planned Parenthood
Rating: PG (just in case)
Pairing: H/D, Molly/Arthur
Word Count: 1152
Warnings: Reference to past mpreg
Disclaimer:Harry Potter is the property of J.K. Rowling and associated publishers. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is being made from this fiction.
Summary: Harry & Draco get a little help from some friends. Pure fluff.
A/N: This is BIRTHDAY FIC for [livejournal.com profile] enchanted_jae. I’ve used a couple of your prompts and hope you like this. Your fic has kept me going and you’re a great and supportive friend! Thanks to my partners in crime [livejournal.com profile] noeon and [livejournal.com profile] fairy_mischief for cleaning up the baby spit-up. And btw, the conversation at the start of this story is taken directly from one my husband and I have on a regular basis.




“Don’t worry, dears,” Molly said with an amused smile, looking from one man to the other. “You’ll do fine.”

Harry was unconvinced. “Look at him, Molly,” he said, tilting his head in the direction of his husband, who was sitting somewhat gloomily at the kitchen table. “Does he look fine to you?”

Draco bristled at this. “I’ll manage,” he barked. “No thanks to you.” He shovelled some more home-made pear and raspberry gunk into his son’s mouth. “If you hadn’t wanted kids in the first place…”

“Oi,” cried Harry, who was similarly occupied with their other son on the floor next to the coffee table. “You wanted kids, too!”

“Not all at once!”

“Don’t you dare try to blame this on me,” Harry warned, waving the little spoon and its messy contents haphazardly. “I didn’t do this on purpose!”

Draco just shook his head and looked sceptical.

“There, there Harry, dear. You couldn’t possibly have; it just happens,” Molly set down a mug of coffee on the table next to Harry.

With another sneer at Draco, Harry said “He knows that. Hermione pretty much visited us every day explaining how identical twins are conceived. C’mon, Lucas, please try some of this.” The nine-month-old wasn’t having any of it and resolutely turned his little face away.

“At least that was slightly better than what she had been nagging us with since Seventh Year…” Draco said under his breath. He was having more success feeding baby Jamie, who at least was taking small mouthfuls of the stuff.

“What was that, dear?” Molly asked, setting down a cup of tea next to Draco.

“Draco means that hearing Hermione’s lectures about twins was only a slight improvement over her lectures about birth control,” Harry said innocently.

“Potter!” Draco shouted and Jamie’s eyes went wide as he dribbled red gunk down his chin. “I don’t think that’s anything we need to be discussing with-”

“Oh, quite all right, dear,” Molly said, sitting down next to Harry and taking over feeding-duty. “Arthur and I could tell you a few stories of our own when it comes to that.”

Draco glared at Harry and then quickly changed the look to one of pleading in hopes that the Harry could derail Mrs Weasley’s current train of thought.

“Are you going to eat for Molly like a good boy, Lucas?” Harry asked and Molly quickly re-focused her thoughts on the baby and the spoon.

“Draco,” she asked. “How is your mother enjoying being a granny?” Molly picked up baby Lucas. Harry sat down heavily onto the sofa.

Harry snorted before Draco could open his mouth. “Both of his parents have turned into complete marshmallows. If I’d have known the way to turn Death Eaters into teddy bears was by giving them grandchildren, I’d’ve used it as a strategy in the War.”

Molly laughed, Draco sneered, Lucas started crying, and Jamie just giggled.

“Hello all!” shouted a cheerful voice from outside the kitchen door. Arthur Weasley came in and hung up his hat and jacket. “I see we have a full house again!”

“Yes, dear.” Molly smiled at him as he leaned down to give her a peck on the cheek. “Sit down and help out, if you don’t mind. Give the daddies a chance to have some breakfast.”

Arthur sat down at the kitchen table and made a show of rolling up his sleeves. Draco gratefully handed over spoon, food, and cloth to him before getting up and transplanting himself onto the sofa next to his husband.

“You’ve got the easy one, today,” Molly called to Arthur. The babies usually took it in turns to be fussy.

Draco slumped against Harry, who surreptitiously ran his finger up and down the blond’s arm.

“This sure brings back memories, doesn’t it, Molly?” Arthur asked as he shovelled some more food into Jamie. “I remember when Fred and George were this small. Of course, we had some help from the older boys.”

“Arthur, we were just talking about birth control. Remember our attempts at that?” Molly said conversationally from the sitting room floor. Lucas had grabbed the spoon and was now covered in pear and raspberry.

Draco whispered, “Oh dear gods,” so quietly that Harry barely heard it.

“Oh Merlin, do I? You see, boys, we were planning to stop after Charlie.” Harry and Draco looked at each other and then disbelievingly at the Weasleys.

“You what?” Harry finally managed to say.

“Oh yes, it’s true,” confirmed Molly, slowly wiping off Lucas’ arm and hand and hair and shirt. Somehow the baby had managed to get food everywhere but into his mouth or onto his bib.

He’s definitely inherited Harry’s manners, Draco observed in an aside to Harry.

Molly continued, “But we found out that I’m immune to Magical Contraception Spells. I got tested at St Mungo’s and everything.”

“Yes, that was after the twins were born,” Arthur elaborated. “We thought Percy might have just been the result of us not casting the spells properly.”

Harry was really hoping he’d be able to keep from spilling coffee all over himself, either from trying not to laugh, or through his shifting around from pure embarrassment. Draco was now pinching his thigh somewhat painfully, obviously trying to get Harry to stop the narrative coming from the fecund couple.

Molly gave up with the feeding and gave Lucas a bottle. He gulped happily. “That’s when Arthur came up with the idea of trying Muggle contraceptives.”

The boys turned their heads to the table again- this whole conversation was becoming something close to watching a morbid tennis match.

“Yup, the one that sounded the most reliable was that Pill thing that was so popular. You know it’s got those hormonish things in it? We tried different ones for years and they obviously didn’t work either! I guess I’m just too much of a stallion.” Arthur guffawed.

“T.M.I.,” Draco ground through his teeth and this time Harry did spew his coffee, an image mirrored by little Lucas. Harry grabbed Draco’s hand to keep him from bruising the remainder of his thigh with the incessant pinching.

“Pshaw!” Molly scoffed. “I’m sure you were just taking them wrong. Either that or you weren’t taking them at all and just told me you were.”

For the second time in less than a minute, Harry spewed coffee all over himself. “Er…what?”

Molly turned to him, cleaning the last of the milk off of Lucas. “I just said I’m sure Arthur just wanted more kids. What, are you thinking of having another already?”

This time it was Draco’s turn to cover himself with a hot beverage.

“No,” Harry said quickly. “I’m just wondering why you’d say Arthur was taking the Pill wrong. Those are meant for women…”

Arthur and Molly looked at each other in shock. Then they both started laughing.

“Well, that explains a lot!” Molly finally said.

The End.
Happy, happy birthday!


And also in this post I have a few recs!

From the universe of ST, the warp-tastic HET and CANON (yes, I’m feeling okay, why do you ask?) Conversational Vulcan by my friend [livejournal.com profile] bluemoon02. It's getting rave reviews and not just from me, so you should go check it out!

And here are a couple of wonderful recs from what’s turning out to be my favourite pairing (D/Sc) of the [livejournal.com profile] nextgendarkfest. They both have a ton of twists and turns and IMHO no squicks whatsoever. They are just well-written, thought-provoking awesomeness. Don’t let the ship scare you- these are definitely worth the read: Let the Dead Lie and Ne Me Quitte Pas.

And finally, to [livejournal.com profile] starry_diadem, I’m going to be in Westminster tomorrow. I can ditch the conference early and go east if you want to hook up. Think I’ve PMed you my mobile # already.

That’s all the news that’s fit to print!

[identity profile] nuclearsugars.livejournal.com 2009-06-17 04:55 am (UTC)(link)
Aw, this is hilarious and adorable. I love the banter between Molly and Arthur, so hilarious!
Edited 2009-06-17 04:56 (UTC)

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2009-06-20 05:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Glad you liked it! I've finally finished SAS and can now actually start posting replies! Loved your bride & bride pic, btw!

[identity profile] phoenixphire09.livejournal.com 2009-06-17 04:57 am (UTC)(link)
LMAO! So that's why the pill never worked for me!?! That was too funny..

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2009-06-20 05:33 pm (UTC)(link)
That's why it hardly worked for me too! Thank you for reading:) Glad you liked it.

[identity profile] lemon-drop151.livejournal.com 2009-06-17 05:14 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, man. Too funny.

*wipes tears*

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2009-06-20 05:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Glad you liked it. And btw, icon ♥!

[identity profile] hitsuzen-hime.livejournal.com 2009-06-17 05:17 am (UTC)(link)
HAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG that was hilarious! Such a perfect counterpoint to the cannon moment when Molly finds out about Arthur's stitches, no wonder she's not fond of muggle medicine!

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2009-06-20 05:35 pm (UTC)(link)
LOL! I didn't actually think about that until AFTER finishing, but I'll take full credit for the thought anyway. Glad you liked it and thanks for reading:)

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2009-06-20 05:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks, babe. And your icon is win, btw

[identity profile] et-tu-lj.livejournal.com 2009-06-17 06:42 am (UTC)(link)
*headdesk* That would be mortifying to listen to, but OMG is it hysterical to read.

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2009-06-20 05:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Hey sweetie, I'm glad you liked it! Many thanks for the fb:)

[identity profile] lijahlover.livejournal.com 2009-06-17 06:51 am (UTC)(link)
LOL so funny :)

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2009-06-20 06:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Glad you liked this little bit of silliness! Ta:)

[identity profile] noeon.livejournal.com 2009-06-17 06:52 am (UTC)(link)
Oh sweetheart! Did I mention I love this? L-O-V-E. <3

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2009-06-20 06:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes, but you have my permission to keep saying it:) THANKS!
ext_134992: Credited to <lj user=crushedrainbows> (Default)

[identity profile] autumn-veela.livejournal.com 2009-06-17 06:56 am (UTC)(link)
*giggles*

I can just see it!

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2009-06-20 06:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Glad you liked this story. I'm also glad you had a good birthday!
ext_21627: (Default)

[identity profile] starry-diadem.livejournal.com 2009-06-17 06:56 am (UTC)(link)
Today not great, sadly! After Dad, and now Mum's illness, I am terrifyingly behind on the work for the big conference which is only three weeks away... can we try next time?

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2009-06-20 06:49 pm (UTC)(link)
No problem with not meeting up- I had the wrong day, anyway! Hope all is okay with you - or as okay as it's going to be for awhile. Thinking about you.

[identity profile] cassie-black12.livejournal.com 2009-06-17 09:16 am (UTC)(link)
Brilliant! I love Draco's horror at hearing about the Weasley's contraception efforts - I'm with him on that...TMI!

Also, I love the idea of Lucius and Narcissa turned all marshmallowy by their grandchildren!!

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2009-06-20 06:50 pm (UTC)(link)
I also like a version of the elder Malfoys as just your average couple (as evidenced by almost all of my silly stories). Glad you liked this one;)

[identity profile] katelinmr.livejournal.com 2009-06-17 11:03 am (UTC)(link)
*chuckles*

that's a cute story hon!

Would love to read more :D

*bookmarks recs*

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2009-06-20 06:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Heers for the feedback, lov. Hope the studying is going well!

[identity profile] bluemoon02.livejournal.com 2009-06-17 11:48 am (UTC)(link)
*Blushes pink rather than green* Thank you, lovely!

And I'm in love with my new ZQ icons, can you tell?? Working on prodding Dave into burning that disk for you (along with a list of the parts where Zach says words in the sexiest voice) but he was not well again last night, so not nagging too hard.

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2009-06-20 06:52 pm (UTC)(link)
LOL! Just about to start your newest instalment. Thanks for nipping over for the peek:)
ext_69972: pixel_bits (rock)

[identity profile] moonlitdark.livejournal.com 2009-06-17 09:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Hee! Adorable fic! :)

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2009-06-20 06:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Ha! Glad you liked it. Just starting on yours, but it's early days...

[identity profile] enchanted-jae.livejournal.com 2009-06-18 01:06 am (UTC)(link)
OMFrickin'Godric. I am laughing so hard at the fact that ARTHUR is the one who was taking the Pill all along and wondering why it wasn't working. That is sheer genius! Er, on your part, not his. *guffaws* Thank you so much for the delightfully funny fic!

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2009-06-20 06:53 pm (UTC)(link)
Your welcome, doll! I'm glad you liked this silly little gift. And thank you for all of the great posts that keep me going!

[identity profile] lotus-lizzy.livejournal.com 2009-06-18 03:08 am (UTC)(link)
Hehe :) Well that would do it! Poor Harry and Draco to have to listen to all that!

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2009-06-20 06:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes, I think Artur and Molly could squick everyone with some of the anecdotes they've aquired over the years. Thanks so much for reading!
ext_33229: replace fear of the unknown with curiosity (Default)

[identity profile] tuawahine.livejournal.com 2009-10-05 05:04 pm (UTC)(link)
*dies*
That is utterly brilliant! :D

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2009-10-05 05:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Danke, darling! Miss you tons, too :)
ext_33229: replace fear of the unknown with curiosity (Default)

[identity profile] tuawahine.livejournal.com 2009-10-05 05:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Miss you tons, too
Me too!!
And I never even got to say goodbye to you properly. :(
I'll have to make do with a virtual hug. *HUGS*

[identity profile] brinimc.livejournal.com 2011-01-10 05:37 am (UTC)(link)
Hahahahahahahaha!!!! OH MY GOD!!! That was hilarious!!!

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2011-01-10 05:39 am (UTC)(link)
Glad you liked it! Woman - have you been to sleep at ALL?! Not that I don't love waking up to comments &heats;

[identity profile] brinimc.livejournal.com 2011-01-10 06:07 am (UTC)(link)
I rarely sleep. I stay up till 1 am to read and then I wake up at 6 am to help my niece and nephew get ready for school. But usually whenever it's my noon over here, that's when your saying on Twitter that you are going to bed, so while you've been sleeping I was up reading.
I'm glad you liked my comments! Your stories were awesome!! :D

[identity profile] obscureauthor.livejournal.com 2011-08-13 04:37 am (UTC)(link)
this is hilarious
and oh so cute

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2011-08-14 08:52 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you! ♥

[identity profile] lazybones11.livejournal.com 2011-09-09 01:05 am (UTC)(link)
Oh god that was funny!! Lucky I didn't have anything in my mouth when I got down the Arthur and Molly's banter!! I am pretty sure every time I read something with Arthur and Molly my mind will come back to this story!!

[identity profile] nursedarry.livejournal.com 2011-09-09 03:48 pm (UTC)(link)
HAHAHAHAHAA! I'm glad I can inspire such a thing! I wish I'd had the Weasleys around when my two were 9 months old!