Poem: Fortunate Sons

[nursedarry]

Title: Fortunate Sons
Author: nursedarry
Pairing: H/D
No rating, no warnings
Prompt: #6, Luck, fortune at poetic_hp
Disclaimer: The characters herein are not mine and I claim no possession of anything remotely connected to them except my undying lust. This writing is purely for fun and is not intended for the purpose of gain other than hopefully the gushing commnets from the reader. The title is a corruption of CCR's "Fortunate Son".
A/N: Cinquain poetry is based upon syllable count (2,4,6,8,2, for a total of 22). (The purest form also dictates the number of stressed syllables in each line, although I've not kept to this.) Didactic cinquain is based on word count (1,2,3,4,1) rather than syllable count. I've had a go working to both stipulations.





Fortunate Sons

Children
Naïve, indulged
A jealous beginning
The betrayal of heritage
Rivals


Equals
Lucky, cunning
A familiar loathing
An agreement to disagree
Comrades


Lovers
Lenient, honest
Seeing past destiny
A re-ordering of duties
Husbands

Comments

[lijahlover.livejournal.com]

I loved this :)

[nursedarry.livejournal.com]

Thanks, sweetie! It was a hard slog, but I got there in the end. I think I've hurt my brain.

[qumabh.livejournal.com]

I'm familiar with the cinquain form. You've done a fantastic job here, very creative. :D

~Mab

[nursedarry.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your comment! I haven't written cinquain poetry in over *****y years, and was wondering if I still could. I've always felt that it's a difficult style to make meaningful to anyone but the author. I've always liked it, but found it a bit "reluctant" to produce, if you know what I mean. I'm really glad I gave it a go! I loved the process, despite my struggles.

[qumabh.livejournal.com]

I have a cinquain (one stanza) poem about Harry and Draco, but it's sooooo old and totally gen. Maybe I'll post it anyway... hrm.
You know, a really fun poetic form is the rondeau. If I didn't have such crazy writer's block I might actually work on a new one. :(

With your poem though, I love the progression of their relationship. So fantastic... formal poetry is fun.

~Mab

[noeon.livejournal.com]

Neat! I know nothing about didactic cinquains. It feels like the ebb and flow of waves. The framing of children/rivals, equals/comrades, lovers/husbands is excellent. I particularly like "Lovers/Lenient, honest" in the flow. Kudos!!

[enchanted-jae.livejournal.com]

Oooh, that's wonderful!

[dorotea.livejournal.com]

I have no understanding of poetry, but I loved this. Even if I hadn't read that it was Harry/Draco in the header, I would've known from the words and that's brilliant.

[nursedarry.livejournal.com]

oMG! That's GREAT! (Gads, I sound like Tony the Tiger.) I'm so glad you think so! I really had a challenge finding words that wouldn't be too OTT or in-your-face but were descriptive enough to get the pairing across which also fit into the poetic form. That is such a nice complement! You rock. Now shut the frak up next door!

[nursedarry.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked it! Thank you so much for steering me in the direction of this com. Who pics the prompts, btw?

[nursedarry.livejournal.com]

I remember learning about them at school as they're more often used with young people.

"Lenient" wasn't my first choice (can't remember what it was, but it didn't fit, obviously), but in the end, I thought it was a fair description of Harry toward Draco post DH as we all imagine he spoke up at any trial/inquest that might have taken place.

As you you no doubt are able to tell, the first words of the 2nd line of each stanza apply to Harry and the second to Draco.

[nursedarry.livejournal.com]

Oooh, post it! I'd love to read it!

I like rondeau, but it always reminds me of Barry Manilow (yes, I know- WTF?). It's because he borrowed from the form to write "We Write the Songs". I think I learned that in school and I can't disassociate one from another now:(

[qumabh.livejournal.com]

lol :D

[delphipsmith]

Oh very nice indeed! I love the structure, how the first/last words of each stanza fit together, how it sums up the changing relationship between them and their respective conflicts with their families and with each other. Well done!!

[enchanted-jae.livejournal.com]

moonlitdark and I do, but you are more than welcome to make some suggestions.

[nursedarry.livejournal.com]

I thought about posting "Purple, chicken, emu, boullion", but even JK would be hard pressed to make something out of that.